It has been never-ending these past couple weeks. I havent been able to stop crying and its hard to get up in the morning. I want a man who wants me for who I am. I am not feeling loved or wanted and it hurts. I want so much for him to be happy and he makes me feel so miserable. I havent been writing because I have been suffering. I have been suffering from heartbreak and my boyfriend can only say im sorry. He doesnt come to me and make me feel better.. short post. have to go. hard to type with tears in my eyes. goodnight
panders
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Your first love has never forgotten you
To lay a kiss on your lips,
so gentle and delicate
is like picking the drops of dew
off the petals of a rose.
I hold you close and feel safe,
sheltered in from the rain,
from the storms that grow and surround me.
I take your hand and look into your eyes
and see a heart made of gold and soul so pure.
You see you are an angel, an angel to me.
I could not help but fall madly in love with you,
the one who stole my heart.
I’m glad you did
because I could never find one such as you...
Some one who makes each day the best,
each laugh the longest,
each tear the saddest,
and a life, my life, worthwhile.
- Peter Oliveri -< Gotta give him props! Good poem Peter! I love it!
so gentle and delicate
is like picking the drops of dew
off the petals of a rose.
I hold you close and feel safe,
sheltered in from the rain,
from the storms that grow and surround me.
I take your hand and look into your eyes
and see a heart made of gold and soul so pure.
You see you are an angel, an angel to me.
I could not help but fall madly in love with you,
the one who stole my heart.
I’m glad you did
because I could never find one such as you...
Some one who makes each day the best,
each laugh the longest,
each tear the saddest,
and a life, my life, worthwhile.
- Peter Oliveri -< Gotta give him props! Good poem Peter! I love it!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
To be or not to be... That is the question~
My friend of 3 going on 4 years I think now, was in Japan for a while... We stayed in touch through facebook and then of course I deleted mine, because I was scared for my friends and familys lives. Another friend of 8 going on 9 years just got a job at the SAME PLACE as I work! And I never knew because I dont have facebook anymore. I came into work on Monday and saw her cleaning! IT freaked me out! And it upset me a lot because she again stated that because I dont have a facebook, I dont know whats happening anymore. Then she said that my friend from Japan was back here at home!!! And that after her shift was over at work, she was going out for shakes with her! I was crushed and a little hurt that someone didnt care enough about my situation to find any other way to tell me.
I recently been thinking about getting a facebook again, but when the thought crosses my mind I get this sick to my stomach feeling that if I get another facebook, this bully from my past will come back with full force and do something crazy to hurt me, my boyfriend, friends, or family... The sickening memories of seeing my picture on a profile that was not made by me, but by someone who was trying to hurt me just pushes me farther and farther back from ever getting facebook again.
Another thing that hurts is that my friends will not stop reminding me that I shouldn't have deleted my facebook, and that I should get one again... ITS NOT THAT EASY! I wish I could let them feel the sickening feeling I got when I saw a profile in my name that I had not made!
Anyway... This has been upsetting me for a while and I needed to get it down before I blew up! Thanks for listening! And pray for the bully who attacked me and my friends.
Love y'all
<3 Panders
I recently been thinking about getting a facebook again, but when the thought crosses my mind I get this sick to my stomach feeling that if I get another facebook, this bully from my past will come back with full force and do something crazy to hurt me, my boyfriend, friends, or family... The sickening memories of seeing my picture on a profile that was not made by me, but by someone who was trying to hurt me just pushes me farther and farther back from ever getting facebook again.
Another thing that hurts is that my friends will not stop reminding me that I shouldn't have deleted my facebook, and that I should get one again... ITS NOT THAT EASY! I wish I could let them feel the sickening feeling I got when I saw a profile in my name that I had not made!
Anyway... This has been upsetting me for a while and I needed to get it down before I blew up! Thanks for listening! And pray for the bully who attacked me and my friends.
Love y'all
<3 Panders
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
8 hours of torture! Friendly faces! love on the rooftops!
Worked my first 8 hour shift! IT was AWESOME... not.. lol^^ Above is my new favorite song! And I found out my friend from LONG AGO is finally back home! And I got to see her! :-D And I found out that a friend from school works with me! I never knew!! IT was SO COOL! Short post today because me and my boyfriend are going to spend the afternoon tearing up carpet~!
<3 y'all!!
Panders
<3 y'all!!
Panders
Sunday, April 3, 2011
tattoo manic
Ever since I got my first tattoo, I have ALWAYS wanted to get another one... I always have had a ton of ideas so I thought I would share a couple with you!
This is an October flower. I wanted to combine a big one as me and two small ones of my my sisters in their favorite colors! This one would go in my back
This one would go on my arm or leg, and it would be in black and white. I love music, I love the violin, and I love stars! This one would be perfect for me.
This is an April flower, which is my boyfriends birthday is in April. yeah yeah the talk of getting tattoos that you could regret someday is the lecture I have heard since I got my first tattoo! (which my first tattoo was about my boyfriend) This tattoo would go on my back as well!
Then the three simple hearts for me and my two sisters. They are so close to my heart! And they are growing up so fast! I promised them I would get a tattoo for them so I am still trying to think of ideas! This would go on my leg, shoulder, or the back of my neck. The color would be as our favorite colors :-)
This is an October flower. I wanted to combine a big one as me and two small ones of my my sisters in their favorite colors! This one would go in my back
This one would go on my arm or leg, and it would be in black and white. I love music, I love the violin, and I love stars! This one would be perfect for me.
These are f-holes that are placed on each side of a violin (stringed instrument). My love for the violin will be something that I can never forget. It is a part of my life that I never want to forget! This would go on my belly or I would shrink the size and put them on my wrist.
Then the three simple hearts for me and my two sisters. They are so close to my heart! And they are growing up so fast! I promised them I would get a tattoo for them so I am still trying to think of ideas! This would go on my leg, shoulder, or the back of my neck. The color would be as our favorite colors :-)That is it for tattoo ideas... Off to enjoy the amazing rainy day!
Love y'all
<3 Panders
*also dont forget to watch the womans lacrosse game! Duke vs. Northwestern!!!**
Friday, April 1, 2011
Take a minute and scream out! Then go back to looking normal.
Hey looks I have readers! I am so happy for that!! Thanks everyone for the super nice comments!
Anyone ever have that moment where you feel like you accomplished so much but your still sitting in the hole you dug to protect yourself? For a while now I have been thinking that I have accomplished so much in my life, whether it was getting over the fear of God or letting someone near my heart. I knew I would step over the hills and reach all my goals! And I did :-) But it still feels like I have one foot in the hole. I thought if I chopped off all my hair or got a new pair of shoes that it would make a dent in my life. Like everything I accomplished I would be able to show everyone that I have changed and that I am a better person that what I once was.
Last night I didnt get any sleep because I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the scissors to touch my hair and just chop it all off. I was getting frustrated with life and I just wanted all the frustration to go away. I am so weird that I thought cutting my hair off would change it all. I had my soul falling apart and I couldnt do a thing about it. Something inside my head knew that if I did this something was going to change or that someone was going to listen to me. I am taking control of my life, and things still seem to be going in circles. People who know me, dont worry I didnt chop my hair to pieces... I am venting out my frustration here like I usually do, and so far I am feeling so much better!
The meaning of my post title is that you when you feel that nothing is going right, you need to take a minute for yourself and change that... Whether thats GOING to get your haircut or getting your nails done, and for the men going out with the guys to the court for some bball. Or if your like me you will write it down on a blog to share with others in the world that they are not alone. That the crazed teen stills lives in this soul of mine and I am still finding ways to deal with things. OR go to whoever you worship and send your prayers to them.
Never ever feel like you are alone, when things get frustrating in life. I am not a counsler or a psychologist but I am a teen and I know that when things get tough, its hard to think that things are going to get better sometimes. If you ever think of hurting yourself or others please talk to someone. Someone you can trust, like a teacher or counsler, and even your parents. An adult that can help you.
Now I must go and try and finish a hell - of - a - load of homework!
Love y'all
<3Panders
Anyone ever have that moment where you feel like you accomplished so much but your still sitting in the hole you dug to protect yourself? For a while now I have been thinking that I have accomplished so much in my life, whether it was getting over the fear of God or letting someone near my heart. I knew I would step over the hills and reach all my goals! And I did :-) But it still feels like I have one foot in the hole. I thought if I chopped off all my hair or got a new pair of shoes that it would make a dent in my life. Like everything I accomplished I would be able to show everyone that I have changed and that I am a better person that what I once was.
Last night I didnt get any sleep because I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the scissors to touch my hair and just chop it all off. I was getting frustrated with life and I just wanted all the frustration to go away. I am so weird that I thought cutting my hair off would change it all. I had my soul falling apart and I couldnt do a thing about it. Something inside my head knew that if I did this something was going to change or that someone was going to listen to me. I am taking control of my life, and things still seem to be going in circles. People who know me, dont worry I didnt chop my hair to pieces... I am venting out my frustration here like I usually do, and so far I am feeling so much better!
The meaning of my post title is that you when you feel that nothing is going right, you need to take a minute for yourself and change that... Whether thats GOING to get your haircut or getting your nails done, and for the men going out with the guys to the court for some bball. Or if your like me you will write it down on a blog to share with others in the world that they are not alone. That the crazed teen stills lives in this soul of mine and I am still finding ways to deal with things. OR go to whoever you worship and send your prayers to them.
Never ever feel like you are alone, when things get frustrating in life. I am not a counsler or a psychologist but I am a teen and I know that when things get tough, its hard to think that things are going to get better sometimes. If you ever think of hurting yourself or others please talk to someone. Someone you can trust, like a teacher or counsler, and even your parents. An adult that can help you.
Now I must go and try and finish a hell - of - a - load of homework!
Love y'all
<3Panders
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Funny day!
This song is the most HATED song on youtube next to Justin Biebers song Baby~! This is hilarious! It does have a good beat to it, but its SO DUMB! Yes I know Thursday is before Friday. And then there is Saturday and Sunday. She is talking singing if that makes any sense what-so-ever!
Jennette McCurdy one of the stars on Icarly, Is an AMAZING singer! This song called Homeless Heart, just touches my heart and is one of my favorites!
Bring on the funnys and...
LIVE
LOVE
LAUGH
Love y'all
<3 Panders
Jennette McCurdy one of the stars on Icarly, Is an AMAZING singer! This song called Homeless Heart, just touches my heart and is one of my favorites!
Bring on the funnys and...
LIVE
LOVE
LAUGH
Love y'all
<3 Panders
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