There is nothing more I see,
Than how she smiles and looks at me
It makes me feel unsteady
But she comes over to me
and I feel ready, to speak
Her thoughful stare,
her beautiful hair
her eyes, her ears, her pretty face,
I notice nothing else in this place.
except....
The Beauty Inside,
that is where her brave, crystal tears are cried
I see into her when I look into her eyes, and am lost,
in the sea of thought
She always makes me feel better, when i am down
because she knows I will always be there, always in town
I'll be there in hurry, if shes hurt, in pain
because I know that she would always do the same
When I see her there is nothing else
Because I will always know that under that beautiful butterfly,
There will always be the Beauty Inside
The Beauty Inside
by Cody J. Czerniak
There is some amazing writers out there...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Work in progress
Why do you drink and grumble grumble grumble...
Why do you drink and hit, slap, and fumble...
Why do you drink and fall into a deep, deep slumber...
Why must you drink and cause this horror...
I thought we were friends...
I thought I could trust you...
How do I know its the real you talking?
Do you think your cool?
Thats just sad...
Thats just dumb...
Thats just...
Do you want to die?
Do you have a death wish?
Do you believe in a bigger purpose?
You choose... Live or die... Just dont get drunk and then talk to me. Dont get drunk and tell me lies... Just stop drinking period. Why the hell do you need it?! Give me a good answer and I will leave you be, but if you cant... Then just leave me the hell alone.
Why do you drink and hit, slap, and fumble...
Why do you drink and fall into a deep, deep slumber...
Why must you drink and cause this horror...
I thought we were friends...
I thought I could trust you...
How do I know its the real you talking?
Do you think your cool?
Thats just sad...
Thats just dumb...
Thats just...
Do you want to die?
Do you have a death wish?
Do you believe in a bigger purpose?
You choose... Live or die... Just dont get drunk and then talk to me. Dont get drunk and tell me lies... Just stop drinking period. Why the hell do you need it?! Give me a good answer and I will leave you be, but if you cant... Then just leave me the hell alone.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Feels like today.
~ I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head. I thought I would share it with you :-) Its by Rascal Flatts~!
I woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away
But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought
[Chorus:]
It feels like today
I know it feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
The last sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like today
You treat life like a picture
But its not a moment frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all
So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's my heartache
Soon this dam will break
[Chorus x2]
Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like feels like your life changes
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
The last sacred blessin'
Feels like today
Feels like
Feels like your life changes
Feels like
Feels like your life changes
I woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away
But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought
[Chorus:]
It feels like today
I know it feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
The last sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like today
You treat life like a picture
But its not a moment frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all
So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's my heartache
Soon this dam will break
[Chorus x2]
Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like feels like your life changes
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
The last sacred blessin'
Feels like today
Feels like
Feels like your life changes
Feels like
Feels like your life changes
Monday, November 2, 2009
To write love on her arms.
In support of To Write Love on Her Arms, you should write "love" on your arm on November 13th, 2009, National To Write Love on Her Arms Day. This is not an event that you ATTEND, you just simply write "love" on your arm in support.
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.
Quick Numbers:
-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression.
-18 million of these cases are happening in the United States.
-Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression.
-Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem.
-2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
-Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers.
Here's where it all began:
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.
Quick Numbers:
-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression.
-18 million of these cases are happening in the United States.
-Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression.
-Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem.
-2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
-Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers.
Here's where it all began:
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Are you in trouble?
Dating violence is not something that should be pushed into a corner and waited on. It needs to be handled now!...
Dating Abuse Red Flags~
For people who may be in abusive relationship.
Dating Abuse Red Flags~
For people who may be in abusive relationship.
- Feeling afraid of your Girlfriend or Boyfriend.
- Feeling isolated, maybe even alone.
- Losing your friends.
- Changing your behavior because of your girlfriends or boyfriends jealousy.
- Feeling embarassed, put down, ashamed, or guilty.
- Being threatened.
- Feeling manipulated or controlled.
- Being afraid to express your feelings of anger.
- Feeling a nervous or sick feeling in your stomach when your dating partner is irritated, angry or frustrated.
- Feeling a pounding or fluttering in your chest when your dating partner isnt happy.
- Not allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself.
- Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space repected.
- Feeling as if your date gets too personal or touches you in an unwanted way.
For people who may be abusing their dating partner.
- Intimidation.
- Becoming angry if your dating partner is spending time with other people.
- Using guilt trips to get your dating partner to do something.
- Feeling unable to control your anger.
- Making your dating partner afraid of you!
- Force.
This is a big problem.
Help to stop it~
If this is happening to you, you need to contact someone immediatly. People are here to help you!
- Family.
- Friends.
- Teachers.
- Your Principal!
- Neighbors.
- Police Officers.
- Churches.
http://delta.aplaceforwomen.org <>
~Counting on you to make a difference in this world. I know you can.
"Hearts Of The Innocent" - Kutless.
I'm looking down into the eyes of hopelessness
They're crying out to me
I see the pain it's so much more than youth should know
It tears me apart
What can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end
[CHORUS:]
Can't you see, we're crushing the hearts of the innocent
We're teaching them to fail
And how it breaks me to see how we're living and punishing the ones that need us to care
To see them hurting
Feels like knuckles to the back of my head
Where have the days gone that a promise was forever
Families stuck together
We wonder why their generation struggles to get by
There's no one to help what can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end
~ It hurts to see my generation struggle. It hurts to see that we are SO DAMN LAZY! WE! Including me need to change... This vicious cycle need to end.
I'm looking down into the eyes of hopelessness
They're crying out to me
I see the pain it's so much more than youth should know
It tears me apart
What can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end
[CHORUS:]
Can't you see, we're crushing the hearts of the innocent
We're teaching them to fail
And how it breaks me to see how we're living and punishing the ones that need us to care
To see them hurting
Feels like knuckles to the back of my head
Where have the days gone that a promise was forever
Families stuck together
We wonder why their generation struggles to get by
There's no one to help what can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end
~ It hurts to see my generation struggle. It hurts to see that we are SO DAMN LAZY! WE! Including me need to change... This vicious cycle need to end.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
For you.
When I walk into that place I see you. I see your shadow and I see you standing over me. I feel your presence and I move my hand to grab yours and you fade away.
When I walk into that place I want to cry. I want to walk right back out that door get back in the car and cry in the backseat. Im trapped. I walk up to that room... Sit... And try to fade away...
When I walk into that place the memories hit me with such force that its hard to stand on my own two feet. I see friends and so-called family waiting to greet me with their hands wide open. I tell them I am fine and they go away smiling and I go away crying.
When I walk into that place... I want to crawl into a corner... I want my boyfriends protection... I want his warmth... I want his hugs and kisses... I dont want to see anymore memories. I want him and only him. I want everything else to fade. Just fade until its me, him, and God.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God will keep me warm...
God will be my protector...
God will always be there for me...
God will help me overcome those memories...
He will always keep me warm...
He will always try his hardest to protect me...
He will always be there for me... In my heart...
He will pray that me and God can overcome my memories...
God will always keep me in his arms...
God will always push me to be better...
God knows I will be someone.
He will try his hardest to keep me in his arms...
He will try his hardest to push himself and I to become better...
He knows that I will become someone better...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God the one who will forever own my heart...
He the one who will forever have a place in my heart.
God is amazing.
God is great.
God is my everything.
He is trying to be amazing.
He is always great to me.
He will always be a part of my everything.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will always push him to go to God...
I will always tell him the truth...
I will always let him cry on my shoulder...
I will always let him know that I love him...
I will always push him to better himself...
I will always love him. Love him for as long as my soul can stand... And we all know a soul never dies. A good soul that is :-)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His kisses are like a dream. They whisper against my lips. They tell me that I am beautiful. They tell me im wonderful and unstoppable.
His hugs are like a warm fuzzy blanket. I am wrapped in this love and I never want to leave.
His smile shines everytime he looks into my eyes. I see his childlike features and I love to hear his giggles. Love like this is only found in that smile.
And I am always searching for that smile.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning...
When I first met you I saw that smile. This smile was small and quiet. This smile screamed for help. It screamed for love. When I looked into your eyes I saw your background. I saw your heartbeat. I felt your burning tears fall down my cheeks. I returned the smile and your smile all of a sudden screamed happiness.
When I first heard your voice I went weak in the knees. I wanted to stay and have you speak until night fall. My insides screamed for you not to stop. It felt like I was in a trance when you spoke. When you walked away I felt myself falling back down to the ground. I felt you walking away from a dream un-dreamt.
When I felt your warmth. When I wrapped my arms around you for the first time I felt your muscles scream to the heavens. I felt your prayer that this would be the one. I am the one. Only if you want me. I knew you wanted me to stay in your arms and I wanted to stay there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today... Is never better...
When I see you today I see that smile that I saw the first day I met you. Its big and toothy and I can feel the giggle and love fly off your lips.
When you whisper your sweet voice into my ears I feel that lift into the clouds. When I talk to God I tell him about your voice. I tell him how great you are. I tell him that you are the greatest gift. I feel your voice deep down in my heart. I hear it repeat in my head. I like whispers that flow my body. I hear in and out... I love you... I love you... I love you... I will protect you... I will protect you... I will protect you...
When I see you today... We have become intertwined. I feel your warmth when I am sad. I feel your warmth when I am in need of guidance. Your warmth tells me there is a God. Your warmth still brightens my night. It makes me feel like I can stand on my own two feet. Makes me feel like I can hold your hand and we can defeat this world together. Today when I feel your warmth, I see that flashback of when I first hugged you. It was chilly around us and the warmth from our bodies took us over. I still want to be in your arms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I could have had anyone...
But...
I wanted you...
I love you...
I miss you...
I want you to know that I am always yours...
When I walk into that place I want to cry. I want to walk right back out that door get back in the car and cry in the backseat. Im trapped. I walk up to that room... Sit... And try to fade away...
When I walk into that place the memories hit me with such force that its hard to stand on my own two feet. I see friends and so-called family waiting to greet me with their hands wide open. I tell them I am fine and they go away smiling and I go away crying.
When I walk into that place... I want to crawl into a corner... I want my boyfriends protection... I want his warmth... I want his hugs and kisses... I dont want to see anymore memories. I want him and only him. I want everything else to fade. Just fade until its me, him, and God.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God will keep me warm...
God will be my protector...
God will always be there for me...
God will help me overcome those memories...
He will always keep me warm...
He will always try his hardest to protect me...
He will always be there for me... In my heart...
He will pray that me and God can overcome my memories...
God will always keep me in his arms...
God will always push me to be better...
God knows I will be someone.
He will try his hardest to keep me in his arms...
He will try his hardest to push himself and I to become better...
He knows that I will become someone better...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God the one who will forever own my heart...
He the one who will forever have a place in my heart.
God is amazing.
God is great.
God is my everything.
He is trying to be amazing.
He is always great to me.
He will always be a part of my everything.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will always push him to go to God...
I will always tell him the truth...
I will always let him cry on my shoulder...
I will always let him know that I love him...
I will always push him to better himself...
I will always love him. Love him for as long as my soul can stand... And we all know a soul never dies. A good soul that is :-)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His kisses are like a dream. They whisper against my lips. They tell me that I am beautiful. They tell me im wonderful and unstoppable.
His hugs are like a warm fuzzy blanket. I am wrapped in this love and I never want to leave.
His smile shines everytime he looks into my eyes. I see his childlike features and I love to hear his giggles. Love like this is only found in that smile.
And I am always searching for that smile.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning...
When I first met you I saw that smile. This smile was small and quiet. This smile screamed for help. It screamed for love. When I looked into your eyes I saw your background. I saw your heartbeat. I felt your burning tears fall down my cheeks. I returned the smile and your smile all of a sudden screamed happiness.
When I first heard your voice I went weak in the knees. I wanted to stay and have you speak until night fall. My insides screamed for you not to stop. It felt like I was in a trance when you spoke. When you walked away I felt myself falling back down to the ground. I felt you walking away from a dream un-dreamt.
When I felt your warmth. When I wrapped my arms around you for the first time I felt your muscles scream to the heavens. I felt your prayer that this would be the one. I am the one. Only if you want me. I knew you wanted me to stay in your arms and I wanted to stay there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today... Is never better...
When I see you today I see that smile that I saw the first day I met you. Its big and toothy and I can feel the giggle and love fly off your lips.
When you whisper your sweet voice into my ears I feel that lift into the clouds. When I talk to God I tell him about your voice. I tell him how great you are. I tell him that you are the greatest gift. I feel your voice deep down in my heart. I hear it repeat in my head. I like whispers that flow my body. I hear in and out... I love you... I love you... I love you... I will protect you... I will protect you... I will protect you...
When I see you today... We have become intertwined. I feel your warmth when I am sad. I feel your warmth when I am in need of guidance. Your warmth tells me there is a God. Your warmth still brightens my night. It makes me feel like I can stand on my own two feet. Makes me feel like I can hold your hand and we can defeat this world together. Today when I feel your warmth, I see that flashback of when I first hugged you. It was chilly around us and the warmth from our bodies took us over. I still want to be in your arms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I could have had anyone...
But...
I wanted you...
I love you...
I miss you...
I want you to know that I am always yours...
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